You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
