I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
