I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
