ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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