her vagine was all disorganized.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
