Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
