dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
