end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
