i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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