Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
