lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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