You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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