your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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