dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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