I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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