so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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