Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
