i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
