You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
