rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
