Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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