So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
