My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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