fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
