I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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