I cut my penus on the lid.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Found your dick twin last night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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