he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
