I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
