Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
