i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He has the fingertips of a God
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