Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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