Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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