quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
