I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
