he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
