I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
