Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
