What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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