i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My liver just had a heart attack.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
