Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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