I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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