i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
