I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
