They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
