I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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