talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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