dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
