I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
