i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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