remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
