So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
