My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
