just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
