He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
