i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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