I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Screwed.edu
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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