omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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