So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize