why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
