Already got asked if we're dating
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
