I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
