I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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