i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
