i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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