She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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